A rather obvious, but important, lesson to learn is that people are wired differently. These differing personalities result in different ways of handling similar situations. We see this a lot in the ministry: godly and wise men, when faced with similar circumstances, can come to a wide variety of conclusions about the right course of action.

Some men make decisions quickly while others spend more time coming to their conclusions. It can be sinful to be too hasty just as it can be sinful to delay a decision irresponsibly. Yet neither is right or wrong every time. Some men are wired for (godly) confrontation, while others have perfected the “honey, not vinegar” approach. Each has its place. I trust few would dispute this much.

These kinds of differences are our good and God’s glory. Along with the differing roles and responsibilities we’ve been given he has also give a variety of personalities, gifts, and tendencies. Wise is the man who seeks counsel from those who share his values but not his personality.

Still, there are those times when our personalities get in the way of doing what needs to be done. The timid man is called into occasional conflict and godliness is not the indiscriminate act of running from it. The zealous man is regularly called to patience and often to quietness. If he is unable to restrain his zeal in those moments he is running headlong into sin.

We must recognize the way that we’re wired and watch carefully that we’re doing what God commands of us and not simply what our personality is inclined to do. Again, perhaps I’m tell you nothing new thus far.

But what about this point: we’re also called to a similar kind of humility when evaluating the behaviors of others.

I know men who are bold as lions and who, by instinct, would never flee from the opportunity to fight. By the guidance of the Holy Spirit these men may come to know themselves well and make adjustments on a case-by-case basis when their instinct might cause them to handle a situation poorly. This is good, but…

…What will such a man think when he observes another man apparently shrinking back from a fight? Will he evaluate this matter fairly? In many cases I’ve experienced the answer is no, and especially so if the man involved is known to have a less tenacious personality. When we judge those whose personality differs from our own we are more quick to criticize actions that appear to be according to their own nature instead of acting according to ours. We do this without a careful analysis of the circumstances of their decision.

If I know that a man’s tendency is to shy away from conflict, and this man comes to me for advice, my immediate temptation is to give him the advice that goes against his own nature and is more suited to mine, regardless of the circumstances. If he’s decided not to fight, my opinion is that he doesn’t fight enough, I am inclined to advise him to fight even if that is not the right thing to do in this particular situation. Those who are more generally geared toward conflict-avoidance and peace-making will observe those who take bold action and accuse them of being too hasty and too desirous of confrontation – again without due consideration for the facts of the case. In both cases a grave error has been made. Meekness is not always weakness. Boldness is not always arrogance.

There is a time to fight. There is a time to make peace. (Ecc. 3:8) There is a time for giving one more chance. (Matt 18:22) There is a time to cut off. (Titus 3:10-11)These decisions are extremely important and the preferences of our personalities are a minuscule component in the equation of rightness. Instead, we should consider the particular circumstance and Scripture’s instruction for handling that kind of issue. We must consider the context of the event itself. We must consider the possible outcomes. There’s a lot to think about but rarely is “what he’s always done in situations like this” an important component.

Discerning the godliest thing to do in a given circumstance can be complicated (though in many situations it’s easier than we’d like to pretend). We should judge one another graciously (Matt 7:2) and we should give counsel with much fear and trembling.

Let us be on guard. Though we should begin by asking “how is my personality negatively affecting my decision-making?” we cannot be content to stop there. We must press on to consider a second question: “Does my personality cause me to judge the actions of others too harshly?” Neither is fair. Neither is godly. Both are common. May God help us by the power of his Holy Spirit.