May 1, 2013 will be my last day as pastor of Covenant of Grace. What started as “wondering” only a few months ago has turned in to an extended break from pastoral ministry, a move to Atlanta, and my accepting a position with a start-up division of an established tech company. It’s a lot to share, but I’ll be brief.

In November and December of 2012 we spent a fair amount of time with our families and I spent a decent amount of time away from the church (2.5 weeks off over two months). These two experiences brought me face to face with some of the sacrifices my family has made for me to be in pastoral ministry. Moving to Winston-Salem has put us 4+ hours from both sets of parents. Working as the solo pastor of a church has necessitated my involvement in nearly every aspect of the church and my involvement in nearly every activity in the life of the church.

Sunday evening worship and Wednesday evening prayer meeting, events that are important to the life of the church, necessitate my absence from my family’s evening routine ~100 nights a year. Session (elders) meetings, deacon meetings, presbytery and synod meetings, committee meetings, counseling, visitation and other times of pastoral care add significantly to that total. In 2012, I was away from my family’s evening routine more than 220 nights. Some of those were by choice – baseball games or other social activities that I believe are sometimes necessary for a happy life – but most were not.

Spending more nights than usual with my family in November and December showed me what I’m missing on those evenings away. Not only are my children growing and changing every day, but evenings are when they need me the most. The kids are the most active, there’s much to be done, and a full day of being mom has taken its toll on my wife’s energies. Another minister told me a few years ago, though I failed to listen at the time, that there is simply no replacement for dad being around when its time for dinner, bath, and bed. I spent a few months wrestling through this issue, spoke with numerous friends and mentors, discussed the matter with my elders, and finally came to the conclusion that this stage of life in our family is not compatible with pastoral ministry. For other families it might work, but it doesn’t for ours. With a third child on the way, now is the time to make decisions that are in the best interest of our family. My ability to be with them as dad is an area that cries out for attention.

With respect to our location, we have greatly enjoyed living in the city of Winston Salem. It’s just the right size, we love our church and neighborhood, and North Carolina has been our home for as long as we’ve been married. Yet we have never felt so isolated from our extended families.

Daphne grew up surrounded by family and in regular contact with them. She lived in the same city from the time she was born until she went away to college. My story involves lots of moves and very little interaction with extended family. I don’t feel like I missed out on much and I don’t have bad memories of my childhood, but at 30 you start to frame the question a little differently. What do I want for my children? The short answer is that I’d like a story a little closer to Daphne’s experience than my own. By moving to Atlanta we have the opportunity to be near parents and grandparents, as well as long-time friends.

The combination of these two factors has brought us to this time of change. I’ve been asked if I no longer feel called to pastoral ministry and I have a very hard time answering that question. What I can say is this: my sense of calling to put my family in a different place (near relatives and with dad at the dinner table) is stronger than any other sense I have at this time. When our kids grow up a bit and our family dynamics change I could see myself being eager to return to pastoral ministry and some capacity. Until that time…

Starting on May 13 I will be the General Manager and Senior Cloud Consultant for an IT company called Stalwart Cloud. I’ll have more to share about that in the coming weeks, but for the purpose of this post there are two things that affected my decision: 1) I didn’t seek this job. I was still in the stage of wrestling with the bigger decisions when the possibility of this job presented itself. It also just happened to come on the very day I prayed that God would give me a clear sign of his direction for me and our family; 2) Two of the first things my (future) boss told me about the job were that I could live anywhere I wanted and I could work whatever time of day I wanted. This job allows me to set aside evenings to enjoy my wife and kids.

I don’t know what the next few years will hold but I am eager to see. Throughout this process I have witnessed first-hand the faithfulness and kindness of God. We are sad to leave our friends at Covenant of Grace and I am sad to be leaving pastoral ministry, but that sadness makes the process only bittersweet, not bitter. The evidence of God’s kindness toward us is all around and we are grateful for the opportunities he appears to be opening ahead of us.